Tell Me I'm Crazy.

I was surfing through my favorite blog of Daphne Lee (a book columnist in The Star - Tots to Teen) when I came across this word - NaNoWriMo -. Excited by Daphne's spirit and her motto - "Sign Up Now, Regret Later" I immediately clicked on the link and signed up!

Well, I have a month to write a 50,000 words. Am I crazy? I don't know. But to think of it, I'll just sign up and go with the flow! Although I'm quite preoccupied by the festive season this month, if I managed to finish the whole thing; I'll end up with one complete novel regardless of how relevant or logical the plot or the character might be! I'm not yet sure whether to write in Malay or English, though.

At least for now I have one complete day to think of what I'm going to write and what would be my novel title. Besides, I don't have anything serious to do in the meantime because of the holiday and doing this can keep my mind off certain things; like daydreaming?

Why am I doing this? I don't know what exactly that inspire me. Maybe I just want to treat myself by doing something exciting once in a while. Or maybe I was moved by my dream of being a writer. Or else maybe there's no reason at all but it's just me being myself!

Well, here are the ideas that I might be writing on;
1. Science fiction, maybe I can use a little bit of my background basics.
2. Melancholic love drama. I'm too dull to use romantic phrases and gestures.
3. A philosophical literature. A bit of deep novel, thinking about life and everything.
4. About my life, this seems to be easiest.
5. A mixture of everything, definitely a yes! I will just babble all along the way until the end.

In Malay or English? Most probably in English.

Anyone else interested? Join in! Details at http://www.nanowrimo.org. It's not about whether you can write or not, it's about whether you have the gut or not! =D

Home Already!!!

All exams are done, the semester's over, and I'm finally home!!! I'm so grateful of time, a passing time is a blessing we could never comprehend without. Alhamdulillah.

First thing first, regarding our projek makan at Chicken Rice Shop. Alhamdulillah, everything went well and everybody's happy. Even better, it was concluded with Arshana treating us with Sundae from McD. Thank you, Arshana!

On a personal note, I'd like to thank everyone for all of the sweet presents; Isma & Nurul, Mun & Ann, Kak Op, Seetot, Arshana, Lutfi and Fauzan. This one I have to mention; to Mun and Ann - thank a zillion for that Bryan Adams's Room Service album!!! I was so surprised when I opened the wrapping that I screamed joyfully.

If it's Hyde for Arshana, or Ramli Sarip to Nurul, then it's surely Bryan Adams for me; his voice is heaven *dreaming eyes*.

Next, from now on things are going to be different for a while. No more class schedules, no more assignments, no more tests. It's so great to be at home, though there are few things that I did not expect. But I guess, I should stop having expectations.

There's remaining 6000 biscuits orders I've to complete during this last week of Ramadhan. It's going to be exhausting, and I'm not going to enjoy it; but I'll do it with a big heart for my mom! Then, the usual chores; my bedroom, the two bathrooms, the kitchen, the porch. *Sob* I'm going to take one thing at a time. And *sob* again, my cats are all missing!!!

Fuh, but I'm now getting older, my days here on earth are getting shorter; I'm not going to waste it by being miserable. I'm happy, fine and ok!!!

Selamat Hari Raya to everyone, jemputlah datang raya rumah nanti. :)

Interesting Article on Breast Cancer

It was posted on my friendster bulletin board. It was very interesting, knowing the possible cause of a cancer. So, I'd like to share it here. Besides, making this kinda entry will make us look more like a scientist once in a while :p

So, please visit this page:

http://www.pakdi.com/blog/archives/2005/10/cure_cancer_by_1.html

I don't know whose blog it is. Credit goes to ' ILLUSIONER' and 'PAKDI' (bukan nama sebenar) . Lol I don't even know who they are.

The Whisperer of Words, The Shaper of Thought.

I

There’ll be some point in your life when you’d feel suddenly you’re alone. What would you do? Do you breathe in the fear and sit tight where you are, or you just smile and go on walking forward?

The decision is yours, all yours.

II

I've fallen in love with poems, poems made me fall in love.

I was not so fond of poems before, but sometimes a month ago I found this poem;

I never was struck before that hour,
with love so sudden and so sweet,
his face; it bloomed like a sweet flower,
and stole my heart way complete.

My heart melt right away upon reading it, it was a poem by John Clare on first love. I found it in a novel by Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook. Strangely enough, I read the book many times before but I was never really noticed the poem. But that night, the poem just went into my heart, and fit my feeling perfectly.

Then, I was introduced to Walt Whitman and his collection of poems in Leaves of Grass; also by the author Nicholas Sparks. I found his poem so spontaneous, yet it is so deep and meaningful. There were thousands of his poems in Leaves of Grass, and I'll leave with you one of his poem that made me laugh heartily, because it's so true with me.

YOU WHOM I OFTEN AND SILENTLY COME.

O YOU whom I often and silently come
where you are that I may be with you,
As I walk by your side or sit near,
or remain in the same room with you,
Little you know the subtle
electric fire that for your sake
is playing within me.

Love can never goes to waste

I'm just a little bit attracted to this piece of sentence from the song Mun pasted below,

"When you love someone but it goes to waste,"

Not that I don't agree with it, it's just that I think love can actually never goes to waste. When you truly love a person, you have your heart, your attention, your passion all devoted for them; how can it goes to waste?

Even if you got left, or rejected even; you've made your choice and love should be the most beautiful thing you've ever done.

Fix You

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want but not what you need,
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try,
To fix you.

And high up above or down below,
When you're too in love to let it go,
If you never try you'll never know,
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones.
And I will try,
To fix you.

The tears stream, down on your face,
When you lose something you cannot replace,
The tears stream, down on your face tonight,
The tears stream, down on your face,
I promise you I will learn from mistakes,
The tears stream, down on your face tonight.

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones.
And I will try,
To fix you.

Lyrics courtesy of www.lyricz.com

Why would people want to fix you?Or is there something beyond the phrase 'fix you'?I have no idea at all.
Anyway, the song is great.

The Great Truth

I learnt the great truth today. The greatest truth I can ever get. It's painful, but I was glad. Allah has teached me tremendously through this short confusing period. I've learnt my lesson and I shall now be happy ever to lead my life knowing that I've been granted something out of this difficult time.

Thank you, to a dear friend, for showing me the way.

suara ini kecil

apa benar2 berpuasakah kita?
Ramadhan yang datang ini disambut gembira..
syukur masih bernafas, syukur kerana ramadhan ini masih jadi milikan
walau tak pasti, mampukah ramadhan jadi milik diri hingga hujung nanti
walau tak pasti, mampukah mata ini terbuka sampai hujung ramadhan nanti
atau mungkin esok bukan milikan lagi....
tak siapa yang tahu,itu semua rahsia.
dalam gembira, terselit juga rasa gundah di hati, rasa serabut di kepala,
walau dalam gerak yang nyata nampak biasa-biasa, walau dalam gerak yang nyata nampak semuanya sempurna.
rasa takut dan sunyi itu kadangkala melanda...
betapa hati manusia susah nak diduga
semoga Ramadhan ini memberi sesuatu yang bermakna,
sesuatu yang dapat dibawa hingga hujung nyawa...

terfikir juga, betapa susah jadi manusia. mahu saja jadi cacing, mahu saja jadi burung, kerana mereka tak perlu fikir syurga, neraka.tak perlu fikir dosa, pahala. bukan tidak bersyukur jadi manusia..
Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hati kami, hambamu yang lemah dan hina.

The Road Less Traveled

I think, I'm now in a lot of trouble and will be in a lot of trouble for the next 2 weeks. If trouble is not the correct word, let's call it misery. Then, in the midst of 'misery', Ati gave me this book: The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D. So, what else I could do but read. The first page I read talked about problems and pain. This is the part that amused me:

"Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see the truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them?"

You know what I think?I do moan you know, about this and that, about how I cannot do this and that, about how I cannot deal with my own feelings and the list goes on. Oh boy, what an ungrateful person I am! I know that life is difficult, but I guess, I don't quite understand and accept it. That explains why I moan. Occasionally I hope.

My life is beautiful. It is blessed with a loving family, caring friends, peaceful surroundings and lots of blessings that I cannot list here. Being able to handle our life systematically is a form of problem solving. So, if there were people out there who think that their life is not 'problematic' enough, think again.

Whew! - What A Dream I Had

Last night I had a dream.

I'm not sure whether it is a nightmare or a good dream. There were both good and bad things, well, not really bad things, but thing that keeps me confused and scared lately.

Some might say that dream is just one of sleep's lullaby, some others believe that dream is a result of your subconcious mind trying to tell something to you. As for me, I don't know. But sometimes I know when I dreamed, it means I have something to think about, something to resolve, something that needs my attention.

The dream last night exactly depicts what was in my heart and my head these few days. I dreamt I met my 'teacher' that I've been looking forward to meet and to talk to, my 'teacher' was walking with a companion, which is as strange as it is, turned out to be that someone that I've been trying to talk to but unfortunately to this time had never actually noticed me.

(Okay, I know it sounds pathetic but I believe it's important to acknowledge what I feel and what I think, and that actually had never left me feeling inadequate about myself - Thanks to Morrie Shwartz)

Well, exactly as it is. My 'teacher' waited for me and listened to all my stories while from time to time he keeps writing in a monitor telling me what to do (though I didn't get to see what was written, well, I guess that's the point of a dream), whereas that Mr. Someone keep walking ahead not ever turning back looking at me.

I woke up this morning having a bad headache but unfortunately feeling very happy. I told myself; "Wow, miss. You really have to get these things sorted out soon."

Remember when I put forward a question, why everything is never as it seems? Well, I think I get the answer; that’s the whole point! You never know how life will turns out. Only Allah knows. You can only plan, and especially you can only hope. The rest will be determined by Allah. And you really have to have a firm faith to believe that. You really have to have a firm belief in Him that He’ll always make the best out of everything.

I especially love this excerpt from my companion book, Don't Be Sad;

"Verily, with hardship there is relief."

Eating follows hunger, drinking follows thirst, sleep comes after restlessness, and health takes the place of sickness. The lost will find their way, the one in difficulty will find relief, and the day will follow the night.

Inform the night of a coming morning, the light of which will permeate the mountains and valleys. Give to the afflicted tidings of a sudden relief that will reach them with the speed of light or with the blinking of an eye.

If you see that the dessert extends for miles and miles, then know that beyond that distance are green meadows with plentiful shade. If you see the rope tighten and tighten, know that it will snap.

Tears are followed by smile, fear is replaced by comfort, and anxiety is overthrown by serenity.

Benjamin Franklin said; "those things that hurt, instruct." And I said; "just believe in Allah, an everything will turn out ok!"

So, no matter what happens; I will always believe. Nothing's going to change that.

Final Exam for Sem I, 2005/ 06

1. 16 October 2005: Parenting exam
2. 20 October 2005: Principles of Cell and Tissue Culture
3. 22 October 2005: UNGS 2040
4. 22 October 2005: Genetics
5. 23 October 2005: UNGS 2050
6. 25 October 2005: Calculus for Biotechnology
7. 26 October 2005: Bioprocess I

And a special addition, on 25th of October 2005, we're having iftar together, courtesy of Yati who will be celebrating her last few days of being a teenager. Welcome to the feeling of being old.

Ok, The Real Updates (We're as Busy as Bee)

The girls have been telling me that this blog need to be spiced up a little bit, it's sort of has lose its touch recently. Well, I don't exactly know how to make this blog more bloggy, or to make this blog more our-ish or biotechnologist-ish. But I guess one thing is for sure, we'll just have to keep writing.

Ok, what are we doing now?

Quizzes, lab reports, classes, more classes, and some replacement classes. Things are getting out of hand, and with final exams just a week away I'm not sure how we'll manage except to believe that all we can do is to make the most of the time we have and do our best. These are our list of things-to-do so far;

Lab report
- Media Preparation
- Bacterial Transformation
- Seed Germination

Assignment
-Calculus

Quiz
- Tissue Culture
- Bioprocess

Then, we're going to have Parenting final exam this Sunday at 9 am.

Now, come the side stories;

You always can tell for sure when someone's at home is missing you. Few days ago, at 7 am in the morning my mom called me and asked;

"Ati, tau tak kettle kuning tu dekat mana?"

I was like, ha? My mom went on talking about she can't find the kettle and it has to be there by next week because everyone will be at home and we're going to need it to boil the water that is enough for everyone.

Suddenly, I realized; my mom missed me! Happy at the thought of it I immediately teased my mom, that I've been away from home for almost two months and that kettle could've move everywhere!

Well, that's what happen when you're the only person that is reliable at home (I told many times before, my brothers are hopeless). You get to be your parent's favorite daughter! (Anyway, my mom and dad don't have any other daughters. Haha)

(Sheesh, what am I babbling here?)

Ok, the final message. Will everyone still be here at the 26th of October? If so, I would love to invite all of you to buka puasa sama-sama (probably at Chicken Rice Shop KL Central). This is the catch, it's free of charge. So kalau nak ikut, jom!

This invitation is only open for all contributors of this blog; Arshana, Amer, Ann, Fauzan, Isma, Lutfi, Mun, Nurul, Seetot and Kak Sofie.

Cerita kita...

Selesai berbuka puasa sementara menunggu Isyak, saya capai buku motivasi untuk isi masa lapang. (err..tension dengan lecturer tc sebetulnya). Tengah2 baca buku saya tergerak hati untuk kongsi bersama tentang apa yang saya jumpa. Ini ada kaitan dengan manusia. Fakta ini agak menarik dan lucu. Menurut ahli materialis seperti Darwin dan Freud, tubuh manusia ialah 140 kati dengan bahan2 berikut:

• Lemak yang boleh membuat 7 ketul sabun. (jimat duit…)
• Karbon yang boleh membuat 7 batang ‘rosos’ (saya sendiri pun tidak tahu apa itu rosos)
• Fosfor yang boleh membuat 120 kepala mancis.
• Garam magnesium sekadar layak diminum satu kali untuk melawaskan buang air besar (saya blurr tapi hahaha…)
• Kapur simen yang cukup untuk memutihkan satu petak reban ayam (saya tak pasti seluas mana)
• Besi yang boleh digunakan untuk membuat sebatang paku sederhana besar.
• Kibrate yang cukup untuk menyucikan satu kulit anjing daripada kutu2 di bulunya (kucing pun boleh rasanya…)
• Air sepuluh gelen.

Al-Quran telah memberi penjelasan dengan lengkap tentang kejadian manusia iaitu daripada tanah. (Al Hijr, 28-29) korang check sendiri la nanti lagipun bulan puasa dapat banyak pahala.

Menurut kajian Ali Mutawi, manusia mempunyai 92 unsur seperti yang terdapat dalam unsur2 bumi. Kandungan unsur yang terdapat dalam tubuh manusia adalah mengikut kadar tugas yang diperlukan oleh tubuh, umpamanya kalsium dan fosforus berfungsi sebagai anasir pembentukan tulang. Kandungan unsur bumi terdapat dalam diri manusia kerana manusia makan hasil bumi sejak dari kandungan lagi. Tak caye? Sayur kangkung goreng yang korang beli kat café tu sebenarnya tersusun daripada unsur2 tanah yang diserap secara langsung dari bumi. Apabila manusia makan, berpindahlah unsur2 tanah ke tubuhnya. Apabila manusia, haiwan dan tumbuhan mati, semuanya hancur dan bertukar menjadi unsur2 yang asal dan akan kembali ke tanah. Conclusion nya hidup kita ni macam pusingan. Apa yang kita peroleh hari ni akan dipulangkan kembali. Mudah-mudahan Ramadhan ni, memberi makna kehidupan sebenar dalam diri kita.

In loving memories of "Hitam", 4 Ramadhan 1426.

Have you ever wonder how much difference there is between the existence and the absence of something?

At one time, he's there. Jumping playfully around you, pushing his wet nose to your hand, to your face, to your eyes. You look at him, amazed at how a tiny being is made so full of spirit that it nourishes the diminishing hope in your hearts.

Then, at another time, he's there. Sleeping peacefully, his chest rise and fall perfectly as it should be. Silently you yearn to be just like him, without a slight care to the world he's just happy all the time. You smile at him and as if he knows, he opened his eyes slowly looking at you just to assure you that he understood.

These are set in you memories, something that you will never forget. He clings onto your heart, evermore.

Suddenly, just like a blink of an eye, one word change it all.

He's not there anymore.

You tried to reach out, to hold, to touch.You tried to feel again that warm feeling of love, of belonging, and of compassion.

Nothing, empty, lifeless.

You felt your hands cold, your body shivers, something from the past is coming to the back of your head. Everything turned black, you felt helpless, confused, scared. All strengths that you've been building all this while vanished, it diffused out you cannot see where it goes.

And it breaks your heart to admit that he has left you now, forever.

Read: Ramadhan's Surprise, A Tribute

Do you have fears in life?

Sometimes you’d think life can be so cruel. You sit and ask yourself why life happens the way it is without you ever understand any of it. Your heart is aching and yearning to figure out your destinies that are for the time being is a dark region to your eyes.

Sometimes you’d feel almost like you’re blind, not knowing where to go, what to choose and whom to trust. The world is against you, everything seems to betray you. You’re alone, and nobody ever care.

Sometimes you’d wonder how people can live so happy, so carefree like they never had problems. Though you know deep down inside that everyone have their own problems, you insist on believing that you have the worst and that entitle you the right to cry over it.

Sometimes you’d just think, why everything is never as it seems?

I just want to know the truth, please tell me the truth.

I once told a friend that love is about choice, but he didn't seems to agree with me. Now even I doubt what I was once believed, each day passes by and I'm still surprised of the fact that this time; I cannot be in control.

Ramadhan al-Mubarak

Mulus Carian al-Qadr

Kita carikkan selimut dengkur
Yang sering berjahit mimpi
Bangkit mencari mulus rahsia
Meneroka ujana Ramadhan
Bakal kita kucup haruman fadilat
Dalam kuntum hikmahnya
Kita meraut bilah-bilah nafsu
Dengan lembut benturan Ramadhan
Menghitung butiran tasbih dalam hening iktikaf
Menakung air mata dalam bening sesalan khilaf

Subuh begini
Kita bersaksikan langit bercahaya
Menyuluh laluan malaikat
Naik turun menabur rahmat
Membawa amalan ke tangan Tuhan

Kita cari al-Qadr dalam rahsia Tuhan
Moga ketemu panglima segala malam
Di penghujung witir, di lendit pengharapan

Nasriah Salam, K.Bharu
Dipetik dari: Nur Oktober ‘05

I'm being nostalgic, so beware.

It's raining this morning, and for some reasons; it made me happy.

What do I like so much about rain?

It reminds me of my childhood, my hometown.

See, I grew up where the rains never stop when it comes to the ends of the year. Years ago, when there is yet few buildings and traffics; my brothers and I have always looking forward to December. It's going to be raining, the place going to be flooded with water. It means holiday, so we can play.

I remember waking up at nights waiting for the water level to increase, measuring again and again how soon it will be before they invade my house.

Once when I was about four or five years old, the flood got into the second level of our house we have to get tables from the school canteen to put our belongings, and while my mom and dad were busy getting things organized, my bro and I would be busy killing worms in our floats.

Then, the year that I remember most was 1995. I was 10, and at the time my father was not home as he works every two weeks outside the country. My bro who was at the time studying at UM had to come home to help my mom manage the house and especially, us. my youngest bro was only three years old back then.

This time, our house already had the third floor. Well, mind you, though, my house was not a bungalow. The upper storey was made up entirely of wood, and the best thing is, it is entirely mine! I remember everytime I fell asleep downstair at night in my parent's room, I always pretended that I was not awake so my father would carry me upstair.

Ok, back to the story. So, since it's flooding. All of us had to sleep upstair in my room. Everytime we need someting to buy, my bro would get on the 'sampan' to get to the main road. Then on the evenings, all of us would head to my aunt's house (you see, back when I was at my hometown, all six to seven houses in a row were all my father's immediate family) to get my uncle's sampan. We'd go around the school (the houses at the areas are located around a primary school; you wonder the name of the school? Sek. Keb. Pusat, Jerteh), poking the worms on the fences, talking to old folks. Tired, we'd get back to our aunt's house four our final course; ubi kayu rebus celup sambal.

Well, that's about it. My family no longer live in that house, it's half torn now. The house where we live now is fully made of hard, cold pieces of rock (so to speak), with neighbours I never get to know. And the only flood of the year was when it's raining, and a four-wheel vehicles passing by pushing brown, dirty water into our porch. My bro though are still very protective of me, would never play with me or share our silly jokes again.

Time has changed, so do we people. I definitely missed that moment. I know it would not come back, but the memory I have, I treasure for as long as I shall live.