New Year's Eve Self-Introspection

The trip to Pergau was perfect, I will not be able to post the pictures as I haven't collected them from Pojan and Nurul, but I will tell you this, it was the needed break for all of us.

To Arshana (Happy Belated Birthday!), Isma, and Mun, all of you girls are very much missed!

Now, I'm bored and in dire need of continuous useless ramblings. So I decided to dig deeper in myself and complete the following tag:

1. What's your ambition?
The most important right now is to discover the direction of my spiritual self. Seriously, I'm lost.

2. Who is more important for you. friend or boy/girl friend?
I don't have a boyfriend. But if money is not an object, I would run miles for either of them. I think I have, but I lost my battle too once in a while. 

3. How often do you think of commiting suicide?
I used to think about it a lot a couple of years back, but thankfully I was too coward to actually do it. But these days I hardly think about it at all. I love my life, and I love everyone and everything that's in it I'm not prepared to leave them on my own will.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
I think I have enough confidence to get what I dream and set to to do. But I don't think I have enough confidence to actually say I love you to people who matters the most in my life.

5. How many babies do you want?
I don't think I'm cut out to be the selfless, nurturing mother. But if I ever get to do it, I want 2 girls, so they can be friends with each other, and a boy for him to be a brother to them both.

6. Favourite perfume/fragrance?
I never really had a preference, I wear whichever smells nice. I am not big on splurging on perfume as well. The one I use so far tend to stick around Body Shop's Spring Orchid.

7. What's your goal for this year?
Finish my Master's degree, and try out for PhD application for the following year. Save 30% (10-10-10) of my scholarship (I'm on 15% at the moment). Be nicer to people.

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
Oh yes I do. But I believe in the perfect love which is worked and drilled on, not a given, happily ever after eternal love.

9. What's a perfect partner to you?-list 10
Oh God, I think after a while, I really get tired of this. If it's left to me, no one will ever get near perfect! Anyway, I'll list a few; Someone who has enormous dreams and astounding zest for life, someone who is not afraid to be who he is, and someone who can discern between meaningful and superficial. Is that too much to ask?

10. What feeling do you love most?
In the morning when I wake up knowing what I'm doing in life, knowing there're people I love who loves me, and knowing I'll not spend today searching for that empty space in my heart where God is still nowhere to be found.

11. What is your bad habit?
I am sometimes too vain to make the effort to be nice to people.

12. Is there anything you want to tell people that hate you?
I don't think about them. Because seriously, I might hate them too. So why make things worse?

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Yes I do. For me friendship is something I build and invest over time, it's not something I simply collect to put in my portfolios. For the record, I still hate Facebook to this day for its superficiality, but I don't know why I'm still in it. I'm working on quitting.

14. Describe yourself?
I love books, everyone knows that. I'm also confused, I think everyone knows that too.

15. What do you crave the most currently?
Finding my ways to God.

16. What's currently on your mind?
I haven't worked on my final Media Advocacy assignment yet. I need to interview people, volunteers anyone?

17. What would you really like to do, like right now?
Physically, clean myself and take a bath. But deep down inside, I want to talk to my best friend.

18. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
Let's see, I will be 33 by then. The Director General of the Department of Environment, I hope?

19. What do you hate the most?
Not being able to change things. Especially my dirty hometown.

20. Who else do you want to answer these?
My friends, if they have the time.