Ati's Wish

A special delivery from Aqilah's aunt! :)

Eid Mubarak to all! Wishing you the best of hari raya my friends...

I'm feeling kind of lonesome, and forlorn. It's not like I'm sad or anything, it's just I feel, nothing, or rather, I feel something, but I can't permit myself to feel it because I can't feel it. It makes me feel old.

But don't fret, I'm still smiling, and I suppose I'm happier than I was a moment ago.

I'm a big girl now.

Maaf zahir batin my dear biotechnologist-to-be friends!!!

Eid Mubarak

Just another day to go. I'm sure most of you guys out there have already done the cookies, cleaning up, blah, blah, blah. Same old usual stuff. Most of you would probably be heading back to your kampungs, while I get stuck here in hazy KL. Nah, just kidding. Got used to the whole I-don't-balik-kampung-cause-I-don't-have-a-kampung thing. Anyhoo, I just want to take this opportunity to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir batin. It has been a good 3 years with you guys. Still looking forward to the many (hopefully) years to come.

Don't forget the exams. And skip some of the cookies. Save some for me, 'k! :)

The Real Update

I think I once used the same title before, but heck, I'm running out of ideas, but in attempt to keep this blog alive, and telling all people out there that we're, the biotechnologists-to-be, too alive and breathing here; the title doesn't matter as much.

Like they say, it's the thought that counts.

We're on the verge of our final week of the semester. Fortunately, all major assignments and presentations as well as tests has been completed. Now we're left with another two (Br. Kamarul's and Br. Faizul's Bioinformatics lab reports), which I hope despite its apparent tediousness, is not as much as I though it is. If there's an important thing I learn this semester, it's not about what you view it, it's about how you view it.

Final exams is in about two weeks time, and with classes ending early, it seems like we shall have plenty of time. But no, it's eid and the 10 days vacation is bound to be without books in mind and in hand. As soon as I reach home, I shall don the title Ati-the-Baker, not Ati-the-Biotechnologist-to-be, that's for sure.

The other Biotechnologists-to-Be, I'm cherished to see, are all doing welll too. Life is not all rosy for us, I must admit, but sometimes we just have to look at the core of our reason for living, and that should be enough for the time being to keep moving on.

As for me, I'm having the time of my life. Being around a protective brother, and playful friends is keeping me alive each day, and I shall not indeed waste my time (anymore) not being one.

To all people out there, wish us the best success in in the coming exams, and here to all Biotechnologists-to-Be; you rock!!! :)

THE BEST IS YET TO COME

Do you remember the time,
When little thing made you happy.

Do you remember the time,
When simple thing made you smile.

Life can be wonderful,
If you let it be.

Life can be simple,
If you try.

Whatever happened to those days?
Whatever happened to those nights?

Do you remember the time,
When little thing made you sad.

Do you remember the time,
When simple thing made you cry.

Is it just me
Or
Is it just us

Feeling lost in this world?

Why do we have to hurt each other
Why do we have to shed tears.

Life can be beautiful
If you try

Life can be joyful
If we try

Tell me
I’m not alone

Tell me
We are not alone in this world
Fighting against the wind

Do you remember the time
When simple thing made you happy

Do you remember the time
When little thing made you laugh.

You know
Life can be simple.

You know
Life is simple

Because
Best thing in life is yet to come

Because
Best is yet to come.

This was once a song I love from the soundtracks of Metal Gear Solid, I had the CD but it was borrowed and never to be returned.

I suppose belongings, tangible or intangible, sometimes are snatched away from your life in cruel manner, no matter how unfair you might feel it is.

And the only reason you have in hand to keep moving on, is to live.

In remembrance of everything that I lost, I'm not missing them anymore.

A Brief Comeback

For someone who finds satisfaction in writing, I should've been certainly unsatisfied for a very long time now.

Unfortunately, that's not the case.

I've learned to open up to many other new possibilities, and I found great fulfillment in trying new things. Most importantly, things I once were attached to before, today I figured out has not been that worth hanging on to anyway. I was blinded, and delusioned.

So now here I am, over again, trying to stand up on the piles of my mistakes - smiling proud, because despite of everything else, now I learnt a little bit more about life, I've seen and I've known my friends, as well as my foes.

Hopefully, not to turn back ever again. And this poem, is specially dedicated to myself =p

ONE ART

The art of losing isn't hard to master,
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster

Lose everything everyday, accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent
the art of losing isn't hard to master

Then practice losing farther, losing faster
places and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster

I lost my mother's watch, and look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three love houses went
the art of losing isn't hard to master

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent,
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster

The Most Natural Thing in the World

I remember Arshana once told me she thought it was a bit weird for me to walk around campus by myself casually, and I remember Isma and Nurul always said how brave I was to walk alone for fun when they said they didn’t think they could do it. My evening walks is a sort of personal ritual for me – a time when I enjoyed myself, listened to my favourite songs, thought of practically anything, and seriously really had fun with myself. I walked, I run, I jumped, and I played along the way never caring a bit for passers by who sometimes would look at me curiously or (some who brave enough) would woo me.

However, today was a bit unusual,

I did one thing I never thought I would get to do, I did one thing I had once give up because I didn’t think I would get the chance to do it, ever.

Today I shared my evening walk with my brother, a real brother; a living, vivid, existent brother – and today’s evening walk I had with him felt like the most natural thing in the world.

I’ve always viewed human relationship as a complicated, fragile, and edgy object. Maybe not this time, no, this time what I have and what I see in my mind is as clear as spring water – and that’s how I want to share it with my friends – clearly and plainly;

I want to share with my friends about a dear, dear, dear brother of mine, and this brother, his name is; none other than our Lutfi.

Reading this may be a shock to some, confusion to others, or understanding to a few; but what it looks like is exactly what I meant; I made Lutfi my brother, and his family my family.

Reasons make sense of everything, and I have too many reasons to put forward.

Why a brother. Because I want a brother, I need a brother. I want to learn family, and I want to experience real family. Yes, may be it’s a bit unanticipated if I say that yes, it is because I never experienced real family that I want to be a part of a real family – but that’s what it is.

Anyone who has ever been to my house would understand, Nurul would, Kak Sofie would, and Lutfi would.

I remember a tag from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy; all happy families are alike, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. I would completely understand if my friends can’t see how my family is unhappy. But I would appreciate it very much if my friends understand how much I need this, how much I need a real brother, and a real family.

Why I chose Lutfi as my brother. Because I trust Lutfi and in many occasions, Lutfi has proven himself to be more than just a friend – but a guardian angel as well. To say that I’m one problematic girl is maybe true, and Lutfi had offered me hands to help. He had seen me at my lowest, and he stayed by my side nonetheless. That was when I realized I’m going to need his help to change, to fix myself, and to let go of my past. I need the guidance of a protective voice, a brother, one I never had from my family, not even from my father.

Hence, occasionally my friends would find my brother asking me if I’m okay, or me going out for breakfast with him, or we exchanging a glass of water. Herein I will make it clear, anything I did, I do, or I will do is on a sister-brother relationship accord - nothing more, and nothing less. Anything I give to Lutfi is anything a sister would give to her brother, and any manner Lutfi is treating me is a manner a brother would his sister.

Some might not understand, but I do hope my friends understand.

Bonus question; Why don't I find myself a man of my own? Isn't that what a girl search for her entire life to save and fix her? Tricky answer; I do wait for my knight in his shining armour, but I had searched, tried, and unfortunately I had failed many times. Something was always missing. I figured out maybe I didn't start right, I grew up too fast, leaving behind my childish-sister'y' coat to be independent on my own. And now I'm making a first step forward by taking two steps back. I want to learn family first, before I learn love. And I believe I have to find my family first before I find my love.

I’m sorry if I never shared anything with my friends about my stories, my family, and my past. I would like to, but I could never bring myself to, because I was afraid, because my story is too complicated, and I felt like I would burden my friends with it while I’m the only one who has to fix it. I would love to share my stories with my friends, as any girlfriend would with her girlfriends.

Thank you all, my friends. I'm sharing all of these with you guys for one simple reason, because we're friends.

Welcome to my world!

AGD

Come this 22 September, Kulliyyah of Science would be having its first annual grand dinner. As a farewell bid to Gombak. Tentatively to start at 8 pm with the theme "Elegant and Stylo", even though I think it should be 'stylish' instead.

This event has us excited and squirming in delight like a bunch of school kids about to go on a field trip. Well, even at this age, we still squirm in delight when there's a field trip.

Kak Sofie has roped in the entire batch as committees. One last contribution to the Science society before we leave Gombak. For me, probably the first and the last contribution. Hoho. And we get corsages. Maybe.

This time around I guess everyone is ready to be dressed to kill. Of course we had previous dinner like the Dean's list, etc but that didn't have a theme. Baju kurung for the girls and batik for the guys. That's what majority of the people usually wear.

But this time around, this dinner has gone to all new heights. Usually we just borrow one of the halls from Kulliyyah of Engineering, but this time around we're taking the biggest hall the university has to offer, CAC. Don't know what it stands for though. So it's a grand affair.

We do need to pay for the dinner, which is highly understandable since that we're shifting, plenty of the funds are being channeled there. But it's only RM 10. Highly affordable. We committees go in for free. Heh. The food better be good.

So here we are, rummaging through our clothes trying to find the perfect thing to wear (eeyyeerrr... sounds so bimbo-ish) or perhaps just getting something new instead. Expect a lot of changes I guess. Plain Jane transforms into glamour dolls (guys included). Hahahahaha...